Normally, when I load up a new game, I am filled with SHINY NEW GAME-ITIS. It's like drugs, only legal - the days when I forego things like food, work, sleep and beer, just to play more.

Well... maybe not forego beer, but you get the idea. I love to be enthralled by a game and immerse myself in it, often to the detriment of laundry, dishes, showering, walking dogs and uhhh, you know. Working.

Not this time.

I loaded up Age of Conan on release day. It installed flawlessly, patched quickly and I was in. I spent the next several minutes cursing at character creation.

If one more person scampers up and crows about how wonderful AOC character creation is, I am going to find a whole new use for that broken oar.

Surely someone has figured out by now that you should not, ever, under any circumstances, make character creation at night, in a ship's hold, by torchlight.

When you hit "enter game" and eventually wake up on the beach and realize your hair and skintone colors are hideous, it is annoying. So back you go. DELETE.

Having to sit through the same intro video of drowning and being lifted up by mystical forces and some guy with a 65 year old face and 25 year old body tell you all about what you have to do... was cool the first time. By the fifth time... it gets old.

EQII learned this some time ago, and character creation was moved from their own version of the boat and torchlight setting to a gentle standard daylight setting; the one you usually see your character by.

What I would like to see is a toggle on character creation, to move between daylight, dungeon light, and torchlight. To heck with lore and stuff, all we want is to make a character that we can live with for a game career, not have to remake them a dozen times over.

Sliders. I am not a fan of sliders. There are simply too many of them. When is the last time you saw another player's face from a close enough view to pay homage to the three hours he spent on making his character "just right"? If you are getting that close in game, then you should probably be getting a room.

Most of us identify people in MMOGs by hair color and by the NAME floating above the player's heads, not by how wide they made the nostrils. Sometimes a cool looking outfit helps to identify them... not how high their eyebrows are set.

There are three races, and they are all pretty standard... HUMAN. Everyone looks exactly the same once in game, aside from skin and hair color. Body types barely vary. The fattest female never has to step into the "plus size" section of stores. The skinniest male is in better shape than you are. Seriously, he is.

Launch itself went reasonably well, but to those who proclaim it was "flawless", I'm here to tell you nuh-uh.

I am not the only one crashing regularly, in spite of uninstalling, sweeping and reinstalling video drivers.

I saw a number of people having early access issues. Some of those are undoubtedly user error, but there are inevitable issues with this sort of thing; we've seen it in countless games.

I am not the only one who noted the many, many hours of downtime yesterday to fix issues, and I am not the only one to read about that zone that EATS PEOPLE. The Devs have put "DO NOT ENTER" signs all over it in the launcher.

So a good launch overall. Not perfect. Don't make me smack you, fanboi_01. I think a perfect launch is impossible; there are simply too many variables and voodoo in these games and how they interact with the plethora of hardware and software in use, both internal to the company and that belonging to their customers.


Now, the sacreligious part, at least for the many, many fans of Age of Conan:

I am.... bored.

I have no shiny game-itis. no urge to log on, no great desire to progress or explore. To this point, it's just more same 'ol, same 'ol, and other games already do it better.

So Brasse is indeed lurching along at level 9, a Bear Shaman with nothing much to differentiate her from the Dark Templar character I also made.

I am a jaded, cynical, demanding gamer. I have a limited budget and even more limited time. If a game wants some of both from me, it had better convince me to play. Fast.

My benchmark for fantasy MMOGs has become EverQuest II.

It is four years old.

If a brand new, triple A title cannot come out of the gate better, cooler, more interesting and fun than EQII, four years down the road, then there is a problem (not for EQII).

I see on the official AOC site that Gamersnet and Gamereactor each gave this game a 9 out of 10. The former is in Dutch, the latter in Norwegian; good luck with that.

To those reviews I say, "Hahahhahahahahahahahahaha, MORE ALE, WENCH!" I'm going to need it.

I am trying not to look at the massive AoC advertising supporting these sites, but it's there, and it has to have some effect. Go see for yourself. If AoC was paying me for ad space, I'd be posting a much more moderate review, believe me. I like to be able to buy food and ale too. That's how life works.

So why am I bored?

Gameplay is dull, although the shielding mechanic provides a minor mini-game during fights. Mob AI is lackluster at best in the two days I've played.

The quests are boring, and I dislike the delay in being dragged into the cutscenes. These would drive Wren INSANE, I can guarantee it.

To those who say to give it time, or it gets really fun after level X, I say... many customers simply will not stick it out that long. There is no excuse for the newbie experience not to be interesting.

The zone design looks pretty, and I'll give them points for the nicely rendered foliage, but that's where it stops. Pathing is restricted, meaning no, you can't always get there from here, never mind that you can see it clearly and there is only a gentle slope (climbing skill be damned, you can only use it in certain designated areas that happily announce "you can climb here!" on your screen); you will have to go waaaaaaay around, on the prescribed path. While swearing about time wasted.

It is also far too easy to get stuck on minor obstacles, particularly in town, and have to back up and go around them. MINOR obstacles. That is just bad design.

The UI is heavy, clunky and only marginally customizable. Sure, Conan himself is heavy, clunky and not very customizable, but this is, after all, a game. You can't tell me, "Oh, dis gud BARBARIAN intterfayss, it fit game lore, iz gud nuff for me!"

The addition of a simple "UI size" slider (now there's a useful slider) would help a great deal. I see a few people are trying their hand at 3rd party mods, and more power to them. However, AoC does not make simple xml files available to the public for their interface, like EQII has.


I'd be generous to hand AoC a 6 right now, because it is just above average, but I am patient. I am going to play my full 30 days, and with luck try my hand at some PvP... after all, that is one of the main draws of this game.

Meanwhile, I am drinking extra coffee and Diet Coke in an effort to stay awake. I really am trying, and I want to be proven wrong.

By the way, the outfit in the second panel is exactly what Brasse is wearing at level 9. You can't even tell she has the much touted AoC breastiges in that rawhide sack of a top. No one will be ogling her for a while!

;-)#
Brasse

Unsheathe your swords and behead me for my thoughts in this thread. You won't be the first.