Throughout Beta and into the "headstart," there are a few constants in Star Trek Online's zone chat. Approximately 90% of the lines include one or more of the following four words, "WoW," "homo," "where's" and "Sulu."

Only the last two have anything to do with gameplay. The others have to do with opinion and how MMOG players react to the opinions expressed by others. I decided I'd write my own out here, where I don't have to respond to the in-game rebuttals that appear to be auto-generated by caffeinated baboons. On crack. And steroids.

The server is currently down (still), and has been for almost three hours, which is why I finished a comic today instead of continuing toward my Klingon unlock at level 6. I am watching the little red no-you-can't-play button as I type this, and it looks like I'll have time to deposit a lengthy diatribe here as well.

Disclaimer: Now that I work for SOE, I cannot post anything resembling a game review... so when talking about any particular game, I'll stick to statements of fact and let you infer my opinions. Did I mention the STO server is down?

Anyway... let's look at what players are comparing STO to, or at least the top three.

"This game is just like WoW!" The weirdest and least accurate comment possible, unless by "just like WoW," the player meant that in order to play the game, we enter a username and password, on the internet.

"This game is just like CO!" I have played a lot of Champions Online, and see very little in common. If STO had been made by any company other than Cryptic, I doubt we'd hear this one. Ever.

"This game is just like PotBS!" Ok, I'll agree, if they are referring to the elegant space combat, comparing it to the well-measured sea battles in Pirates of the Burning Sea. But "just like?" No.

There is an underlying constant to all of these comparisons. As gamers, we have come to expect and even demand some degree of uniformity, particularly when it comes to our user interface. Usability testing, when applied correctly, will stomp out, with extreme righteous prejudice, any UI that varies greatly from the norm for a mass-marketed game.

The truth is, we don't like to change our ways, and we want, nay, expect to see health bars, experience bars, hotkey bars and all the other myriad game features where we are used to seeing them. In any new game, most players will first change their hotkey settings to something that they are more comfortable, more familiar with.

Brakk, for instance, will ALWAYS change the movement keys, usually WASD, to his preferred ESDF. Watch his ire rise in games where you cannot change this setting - it is terrifying to behold.

As for me, I play more than one MMOG (it comes in particularly useful when a server remains down). This is becoming the norm, and I'll be the first to admit that every time I switch back and forth, I play a mini-game I'll just call, "WAT DIS DO?" In an MMOG with a very different UI and control system such as Star Wars Galaxies, this game lasts a lot longer than it does when I switch between EverQuest II and World of Warcraft. I do not LIKE this mini-game, it cuts into what little time I have to play these days. As a veteran, I do not like looking like a n00b, having to resort to help files, looking up notes, or the dreaded need to ask in /ooc. I just want to log in and play.

Likewise, you can call the health and mana bars whatever you want. It's still health. It's still mana. Levels are levels. The basic classes are tank, scout, healer, mage. We'll find ways to bring our mindsets to your games. In Star Trek Online I will play a very Dwarfy Tank on the Federation side, and a crazed Mage/Scout on the Klingon Side. This was the inspiration behind today's comic, although RadarX did not send me a screenshot of his character, so I am just guessing at the mayonnaise-average appearance he went for. How close am I, RadarX? =)

So yeah. All MMOGs are similar. Thank the gods for that, and I'll be the first to bring my Qlu'Stiq to bear on the next game designer who wants to reinvent the wheel, at least when it comes to my precious UI.

Qlu'Stiq. Hmmm. Sounds like a good name for my Klingon ship.

;-)#
Brasse

Side note: due to Starfleet regulations regarding height and weight, it is really hard to make a proper female Dwarf. I did manage to wrangle a beard though. If the server ever comes back up, I'll post a screenshot here.

The server... "It's dead, Jim."

============== UPDATE =====================================
Woots, at approximately 3:30am, the servers had been up long enough for me to earn the right to create a Klingon (you have to reach level 6 as a Fed, first).

Here are my characters, although I have to reroll my Fed after the game "officially" launches, to take advantage of my deluxe digital edition's Joined Trill race. Brasse will LOOK the same, but have more skills. Yeah, this does make the "headstart" mostly wasted for me, thanks for asking.

Still, my Klingon ROCKS (short, stout muscular and irascible in homage to her Dwarven ancestry), and if you look closely, you'll see that both characters have a wee beard. Best I could do in that universe!



============ MORE UPDATEYNESS========================

RadarX duly sent me a screenshot of his character, to prove that I had guessed wrong in his appearance. He purports that his avatar is pictured at left, although I am pretty sure he just stole a pic of Gordon Freeman and photoshopped out the glasses.

I also harbor a sneaking suspicion that this is the EVIL UNIVERSE version of RadarX!

Dude, at least I gave you HAIR. Ya gotta admit that I nailed the dorky part though!
;-)#